Ventriloquism

INT. SUSAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Three women in their late-twenties are gathered in a small apartment. They are eating various snacks and interacting with one another while the television plays its advertisements in the background. SALLY is sitting on the couch, but turned away from the television. SANDRA sits at the table, facing Sally to engage her in conversation. SUSAN is in the kitchen, open to the main room, preparing more snacks for consumption. All are in jovial spirits.

TV: You think I'm talking, but I'm not.

SALLY: That's the third time this break! I can't believe the trouble they're going to to advertise such a stupid product.

SANDRA: I know. As if anyone would actually pay money for a ventriloquist act.

Susan sits quietly.

SALLY: Yeah, aren't ventriloquists pretty much despised and hated by pretty much everyone?

SANDRA: Except maybe for mimes.

SALLY (laughing): Those two would make quite a pair, wouldn't they?

SANDRA (mimicking the voice from the TV ad while acting like a mime): You think I'm being annoying, but ... I actually am!

Susan clears her throat.

SALLY: Is there something wrong, Susan?

SUSAN: No, nothing at all.


INT. SUSAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Susan is cleaning up after the party. Sally and Sandra have gone home. Susan is rinsing off the dishes.

SUSAN: Some friends. Sally thinks she's so smart. Sandra with her witticisms.

Susan opens the dishwasher next to the sink and goes to place the plate she has been rinsing into the dishwasher, only to find that it is already full of clean dishes. She turns off the faucet and begins to unload the dishwasher instead of rinsing.

SUSAN: I don't think they realize for one moment the difficulty involved in ventriloquism. Nor do they even fathom the great good it can serve the world. It's rendering a service, God Damn it!

Susan angrily throws a plate against the wall. It shatters to small pieces on the floor.

VOICE: Ow!

SUSAN: What was that? Was that you, Mr. Plate?

Susan walks up to the pieces of plate on the ground, looking at them closely with her face about an inch away from the remnants of the plate.

SUSAN: Did you say something?

Susan clearly ventriloquates the response from the plate, as her lips move ever so slightly.

PLATE (SUSAN): Don't hurt me.

Susan gets a look of pity on her face.

SUSAN: Oh, you poor thing! I'm so sorry. I was mad at my friends Sally and Sandra. I would never be mad at you. Here, let me fix you up.

Susan pushes the broken pieces next to one another, aligning them in a plate-like fashion. What results only somewhat resembles the previous plate.

SUSAN: There, do you feel better now?

PLATE (SUSAN): Not really. I'm still broken.

Susan gets a shocked look on her face.

SUSAN: Oh, you ungrateful little plate! You're just as bad as Sandra!

Susan turns her back to the plate, calming down slightly. She looks over her shoulder and sees the plate in its same position. Susan again gets a look of pity on her face. The plate sits still.

Susan runs over to the plate again.

SUSAN: I'm sorry. You are still broken. You'll always be broken. It's all the fault of Sally and Sandra, and people like them who don't understand.

Susan falls onto the plate, exhausted, sobbing.


INT. TELEVISION STUDIO - DAY

A commercial is being filmed. People are standing behind large cameras filming ACTOR 1 at a podium on a prop stage, made to appear as though it is in a large conference center. He is presenting a PowerPoint presentation with lots of charts and graphs. Other ACTORS take part in the commercial, filling various roles.

ACTOR 1 (confidently): So, you see, the fiscal year ending 2009 resulted in a profit margin of just over 8.2%, while last year's fiscal budget only factored in a 5% net increase in sales. I now turn to the floor for questions.

Actor 1 is performing in front of an audience of cardboard cutouts that only somewhat resemble a live audience of business professionals. ACTOR 2 stands up in the midst of these cutouts to deliver his lines.

ACTOR 2: I do have a question for the distinguished speaker. How do you talk with such eloquence and style? Don't you get frightened on stage in front of a large audience?

Actor 1 looks into the camera with surety.

ACTOR 1: You may think I'm talking, but I'm not.

The DIRECTOR, standing behind one of the camera operators, waves his hand to indicate 'CUT', and points to the monitor beside him, which begins to play the advertisement previously seen in Susan's apartment on the television. The advertisement logo "Ventriloquist Professionals" appears, with information about the product in smaller type below, along with contact information. A VOICEOVER pronounces the benefits of the product to the viewer. The director watches this monitor for review of the full ad.

VOICEOVER: Let Ventriloquist Professionals help you give your next speech, presentation, lecture, or seminar. Contact toll-free: 1-800-555-ventriloquist, or email ventriloquisthelp@ventriloquistprofessionals.com. Join thousands of others who have improved their speaking style with the help of ventriloquism!

The director again waves his hand and points to ACTRESS 1 sitting in a chair behind a secretary desk on the set. The cameras turn on and focus on her as she repeats her lines.

ACTRESS 1: I used to have such trouble getting up in front of my colleagues to speak. But look at me now!

The camera pans to ACTRESS 2, who is crouched below the desk. Actress 2 turns to the camera to deliver her line.

ACTRESS 2: You may think she's talking, but she's not!

DIRECTOR (waving his hand): Cut! That's a wrap. (pause) For now.

ACTORS AND CREW: You mean there may be more of these stupid commercials?

DIRECTOR: If the company keeps making them, I'll keep producing them.

Susan suddenly appears with a clipboard in hand, walking up to the director.

SUSAN: Hello, are you Artful Dodger, the director we hired?

DIRECTOR: Oh, you must be Susan, the representative from Ventriloquist Professionals. Pleased to have you on board here.

SUSAN: Oh, no, the pleasure is all mine. We're very pleased with the work you've been doing on these commercials.

DIRECTOR: Well, that's great. I'm glad to hear it. So, what can I do for you?

SUSAN: Well, that's the thing. These commercials don't seem to be getting the right message out. Focus groups, and personal experience, have shown that even after watching these commercials 20 or 30 times, the majority of respondents still feel that ventriloquism is a mock service with little or no value in the daily lives of people.

The director gets a look of misunderstanding on his face.

DIRECTOR: You mean, you actually take these commercials seriously?

SUSAN: Well, of course. It's what we do.

DIRECTOR: You ventriloquate?

SUSAN: Yes! That's my profession.

DIRECTOR: You're a professional ventriloquator?

SUSAN: Ventriloquist.

DIRECTOR: Oh my God, this is too much.

The director turns to the crew.

DIRECTOR (loudly): Did you hear that, fellows? These commercials we've been making are being taken seriously. Susan here is a professional ventriloquist!

The crew laughs heartily while pointing at Susan. Susan gets a look of indignation on her face and turns away.

VOICE: You're fired.

The director turns his head towards the voice, but sees only a large video camera looking him in the eye. He looks at it unbelievingly for a moment, then turns and sees Susan walking away purposefully.


INT. VENTRILOQUIST PROFESSIONALS BUILDING - DAY

Susan walks down the large hallway of the ventriloquist offices. She knocks on a door that says "PRESIDENT - ARTHUR MCNALLY" on it, and enters halfway into the office.

SUSAN: Excuse me, Art.

Arthur, sitting in a large chair behind the desk, rotates around to face Susan. A small ventriloquist dummy sits on his large lap. His lips move only very slightly while the dummy speaks.

DUMMY: Yes, Susan. Come right in.

Susan looks at the dummy for a moment and gets a look of realization on her face.

SUSAN: Oh, yes. Thank you, Art. I came to have a word with Arthur, actually, if that's alright with you.

DUMMY: I guess you can speak to him if you want, the big dummy!

ARTHUR: Hey now, Art. That's not very polite.

DUMMY: It's not very polite to be so fat either!

ARTHUR (laughing): Well, you have a point there! Isn't Art wonderful today?

Susan only smiles slightly.

SUSAN: I'm afraid I'm not much in the joking mood today, Arthur. I had to fire the director of our commercials.

ARTHUR: The "You think I'm talking, but I'm not!" commercials?

SUSAN: Yes. They were being treated in an incorrect and irreverent manner unbecoming of the ventriloquist profession.

ARTHUR: That's a shame. I was really hoping to turn the image of ventriloquism around. So many people think only of silly has-beens with dummies on their laps telling stupid jokes to themselves.

DUMMY: Who are you calling a dummy, you has-been?

ARTHUR: Not now, Arty.

SUSAN (not paying attention to Art's aside): I know. It's so difficult to explain the professional ramifications that our organization can have for people. When ventriloquism is put to its proper use, it becomes much more than a mere jovial past-time. It is elevated to a way of life. One that I marvel in the beauty of.

ARTHUR: You've done good work here, Susan. I think it's time to call it quits.

Susan gets a look of surprise on her face.

SUSAN: You're firing me?

ARTHUR: No, I'm firing myself. The world isn't ready for us yet. Our kind must continue to practice our craft unseen, offering our help only to those in great need. Being of service to our fellow being, for that's the only way we can survive.

SUSAN: I see what you mean.

Susan looks seriously into the eyes of the dummy.

SUSAN: It has to be this way, doesn't it, Art?

The dummy nods its head in response.


INT. SUSAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Sally and Sandra are again sitting around at Susan's house, as before. They are eating various snacks, and the television is on in the background.

SALLY: I am so glad that those stupid commercials are off the air now.

SANDRA: Yeah. Guess the dumb ventriloquists finally realized they're useless.

Susan sits back silently. There is a KNOCK on the door.

SALLY: Oh, I bet that's Billy!

SANDRA: Billy's coming?

SALLY: Yeah, I thought he might like to join us.

Sally opens the door to Susan's apartment. In the hall way she sees a TELEGRAM DELIVERY MAN in uniform.

TELEGRAM DELIVERY MAN: Telegram for Sally S. Trumet.

Sally takes the telegram and closes the door. She unfolds the old-style piece of paper and reads the note: "Can't come to party. Busy with friends. Billy." Sally walks back into the main room.

SANDRA: Who was it?

SALLY: A telegram delivery. From Billy.

SANDRA: A telegram? They still have those?

SALLY: No. No, they don't.

Sally sits in silence for a moment, then suddenly crumples up the telegram in anger.

SALLY: Oh, he makes me so mad! I wish I could tell him off, just once, without falling apart into tears.

Susan clears her throat.

SALLY: Is there something wrong, Susan?

SUSAN: Nothing at all. I think I can help you.

SALLY: You can? How?

SUSAN: Ever heard of ventriloquism?

A look passes from Susan's eyes to Sally's. She instantly understands.

SALLY: He'll think I'm talking, but I'm not.

Sally and Susan continue to look at one another in silence.

SANDRA: God, I hate those commercials.

THE END

---

This post is an installment in a continuing series of content coordinated by theme or motif with posts from Enoch Allred of Chiltingham, John Allred of clol Town, Jon Fairbanks of Funkadelic Freestylings of Another Sort, Eli Z. McCormick and Miriam Allred of Modern Revelation!, John D. Moore of Whatnot Studios, William C. Stewart of Chide, Chode, Chidden, and Sven Patrick Svensson of Sadness? Euphoria?. This week's theme: 'Ventriloquism'.